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Chuck's Slot Canyon Photo (R7.99)


High slot canyon sun
On eternal sandstone waves
Exposed, stopped and framed

[17 syllables]
Highest sun
Lit sandstone waves -
Framed stillness

[7 stressed syllables
Combie Lake Thanksgiving (R3.96)

Water colored lake
Mirrors fall pines hemming her
'Fore the ski boat blur

[17 syllables]
Colored lake
Mirrors fall pines...
Skiers blur

[7 stressed syllables
Cal Bears Down (R2.93)

Cal football away
Isn't Memorial like
Tightwad hill's bay view

[17 syllables]
Cal football away's
Not Memorial.  Not so
Tightwad hill's vista

[10 stressed syllables

Snow Birds (R3.88)

Surf City's old coots
And mid-winter pelican
Duck Pacific storm

[17 syllables]
Surf City coots
And a sieving retiree
Riding out storms

[10 stressed syllables
Olympia Bier (R5.80)

A conk to the trunk
Oughtn't be rotten as sprung
Fungus among us

[17 syllables]
Conking along trunk's
Not as rotten as springing
Fungus among us

[11 stressed syllables
Carr Park (R1.90)

One fifth pelicant
Just four flew on eight-foot wings
To winter fishing

[17 syllables]
One fifth pelicant
Four eight-foot wingers flew
To winter fishing

[10 stressed syllables

Udder Harmony  (R1.xx)

Just eighteen people
Make spring cream in harmony,
Blow glass...and throw pots.

[17 syllables]
Eighteen folks are
The cream of Harmony:
Glass blown, pots thrown

[11 stressed syllables
What's the Pont? (R2.88)

Le pont antipape
À avignon n'atteint pas
Passé les saisons

[17 syllables]

[need neo French haiku rules
Hurricane Ridge (R2.86)

Ridge gray turns to bright
As a chipmunk exposes stores
And fog fades from straits

[17 syllables]
Ridge gray brightening
A chipmunk unearthing stores
Dire strait shipments

[10 stressed syllables

King James' Version

Richie's mom's spirit
Is in the court butterflies.
The net doesn't move

[17 syllables]
Richie's mom's
Butterfly spirit
Is all net

[11 syllables]
The Big Game (Stanford leads series 63–46–11)

(Austrian's from The Farm)

Its mostly Stanford
After Hoover's first Big Game (1892)
So Cal steals The Axe (>1899)

[17 syllables]
Win most Big Games
Bears steal Axe

[10 syllables]
Draggin' Fly

Her last thought is that
Dragonfly fruit might not sour
In a kumquat tree

[17 syllables]
On kumquat leaves
Sours fruit

[7 stressed syllables]

Haiku Checklist: (R# after above Haiku titles indicates revision number and .## is check list compliance ratio.  Checklist revised 7/12/2018.)
1) lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllabets (Japanese 5-7-5 rhythm is counted in Japanese sounds and while the 5-7-5 English syllable structure can be okay, modern English haiku now takes a 3-5-3 or 4-6-4 syllable form as 11-14 English syllables may contain a similar amount of content as 17 Japanese sounds; another structure is 2-3-2 accented English syllables as this echoes the Japanese haiku beat)
2) evokes a season
3) image inspired (observation of a spiritual or moving moment, event, condition or place)
4) synaethesia (perceptual phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway): synaethesia might be developed via sense switching by speaking of the sensory aspect of a thing and then changing to another sensory organ (i.e. "a frog jumps into the sound of water").
5) simultaneously point to world & self
6) karumi (lightness)
7) sabi (evokes beauty & sadness)
8) wabi (describes beauty of ordinary things)
9) wabi-sabi (zenness)
10) vast & minute natural scene with room for physical & inner meaning interpretations
11) beauty in the physical placement of words (optional, especially without kanji)
12) kiru: A "cutting" often represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas.
13) kireji: (optional dash, ellipsis or conjunction in English) A "cutting word" between the kiru which signals the moment
of separation and colours the manner in which the juxtaposed elements are related.
14) haiku has a life (revisions)
15) haiku has a base phrase and a superposed fragment ("the haiku core is the base section whose task is to draw the reader unconditionally into the world of the particular verse through an unexpected and arresting configuration of words and is the kernel from which the complete poem springs and upon which the success of the haiku ultimately depends while the superposed section serves to orient the reader to some of the many plausible meanings and images in the base section and, in the most simple form, consists of a word with a fairly fixed poetic essence - kigo or name of a famous place"). In the fragment one may often dispense with the use of an article (and sometimes the preposition) to leave the noun to stand alone (but not so in the phrase which should sound smooth but break from the fragment).
16) journey: haiku is played out in steps, taking the reader on a journey, anxious for successive lines.  The first line might be eye catching like a window into the image.
17) satori: experience or enlightenment when a person comprehends the completeness, the oneness of all existence (i.e. commonalities amongst disparate items).
18) shasei (a sketch from life, depicting a thing just as it is): a sense of simplicity (in words, expression and/or meaning with the beauty of form instead of ornamentation) and humility (natural observation, using one, some or all senses, over feeling or thinking) are keynotes of haiku.  Abstractions are limited to one line, allowing things to speak for themselves in the other two (or in all three lines).  Personification, capitalization and rhyme are avoided.
19) haiku is written in the present tense so the reader has the feeling that the observed event is happening right now (but limit use of gerunds (ings) and to be verbage).
20) caesura (break or pause) at the end of either the first or second line, but not at both, and do not create one run-on sentence.
21) trinity: a third image illuminates the association, comparison or contract of two other images.  Consider zooming in from the first to the second and then to the third image.
22) shubumi: use images that evoke classical elegant separateness (optional).
23) yugen: use images that evoke a mysterious aloneness (optional).
24) haiku might state the impossible in an ordinary way (optional).
25) end the haiku with a noun.
26) haiku is still - minimize verbs and avoid adverbs and don't use more than one modifier per noun.
27) riddle - haiku may be expressed in a riddle (preferably in very puzzling terms) (optional).
28) shasei: a sketch from life - to depict the thing just as it is
29) haiku may utilize new or made up words (optional)
30) pivot - in a pivot the middle line acts as a gate that can swing in either direction because the middle line is such that it can have two meanings (optional).
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"An old source of haiku was when Moe hit Curly over the head with a two by four, gently slapped him awake, and then begged him to mumble a few syllables."
- Solomon Tall (11/30/2017)

more Tall-isms here

Copyright © 2018 by Joe Pivetti