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Signs of Inspection (R0)


Heil offset street signs
Read Mycroft and Trudy Lane.
Detect relation?

[17 syllables]
Adrian's wife
Sherlock's older brother
Both street-wise

[8 stressed syllables
A Little Oregano (R3)

Hikers, with firewood
In their arms, took in the view
...While we reflected

[17 syllables]
Trails end, ripples ebb;
-like reflection wakes.
What's lying beneath?

[thanks to Sue Burke for help
w/ "beauty in word placement"]
Dog not included (R1)

Photo by Judi Pivetti
A little woofer
Was an instrumental part
Of on-line sax ads

[17 syllables]
It's a case
Where no hep cats
Blew the horn

[10 stressed syllables

String Theory (R0)

A gutsy cat
A dangling white line
A puffy tail

[13 syllables]
Cool cat
Starting line
Fat tail

[6 stressed syllables
Humdinger (R0)

She hums when wind blows
Happy that her nest egg's safe
In diversified funds

[17 syllables]
Ho hum
The wind chimes
At rest

[7 stressed syllables
"Funny, She Doesn't Look Druish" (R0)

Franklin saw Stonehenge
Ere enactment of King's law
On the colonies

[17 syllables]
Imported stone
From the time of Picts
Stands for ages

[9 stressed syllables

My Thai Shrimp  (R0)

The race is a Thai
But red and white stripes prevail
In a Bangcock heat

[17 syllables]
Thailand's home
To many shrimps
That kick-box

[8 stressed syllables]
Miss Marple's Birthplace (R2.88)

Dart past Greenway House
To land at mysterious
FBI (Ferry Boat Inn)

[17 syllables]
Murder on the Nile
Was not Agatha's denial
Of artistic style

[11 stressed syllables]
Yosemite Sam (R0)

You's a might or you's
A might not, it's up to you
To fall down with grace

[17 syllables]
Yosemite Falls in early spring
Is an icy and wonderful thing
With airborne crystals as bling

[Many syllables]

Ile bridge

Its no reflection
On you to flip the metro
When faced by her door

[17 syllables]
Ile flottante
Sans meringue
Tout flan

[11 syllables]

Near the ocean shore
Stoned whale watchers don't spout much
During migration

[17 syllables]
Cambrian surf
Is opalescent on
Moonstone turf

[10 syllables]
El Cielo de Las Cambritas

A marguerita
Or two might make you feel high
As the bright blue sky

[17 syllables]
Azure sky
Rocketing clouds

[7 stressed syllables]

Haiku Checklist: (R# after above Haiku titles indicates revision number and .## is check list compliance ratio.  Checklist revised 7/12/2018.)
1) lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllabets (Japanese 5-7-5 rhythm is counted in Japanese sounds and while the 5-7-5 English syllable structure can be okay, modern English haiku now takes a 3-5-3 or 4-6-4 syllable form as 11-14 English syllables may contain a similar amount of content as 17 Japanese sounds; another structure is 2-3-2 accented English syllables as this echoes the Japanese haiku beat)
2) evokes a season
3) image inspired (observation of a spiritual or moving moment, event, condition or place)
4) synaethesia (perceptual phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway): synaethesia might be developed via sense switching by speaking of the sensory aspect of a thing and then changing to another sensory organ (i.e. "a frog jumps into the sound of water").
5) simultaneously point to world & self
6) karumi (lightness)
7) sabi (evokes beauty & sadness)
8) wabi (describes beauty of ordinary things)
9) wabi-sabi (zenness)
10) vast & minute natural scene with room for physical & inner meaning interpretations
11) beauty in the physical placement of words (optional, especially without kanji)
12) kiru: A "cutting" often represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas.
13) kireji: (optional dash, ellipsis or conjunction in English) A "cutting word" between the kiru which signals the moment
of separation and colours the manner in which the juxtaposed elements are related.
14) haiku has a life (revisions)
15) haiku has a base phrase and a superposed fragment ("the haiku core is the base section whose task is to draw the reader unconditionally into the world of the particular verse through an unexpected and arresting configuration of words and is the kernel from which the complete poem springs and upon which the success of the haiku ultimately depends while the superposed section serves to orient the reader to some of the many plausible meanings and images in the base section and, in the most simple form, consists of a word with a fairly fixed poetic essence - kigo or name of a famous place"). In the fragment one may often dispense with the use of an article (and sometimes the preposition) to leave the noun to stand alone (but not so in the phrase which should sound smooth but break from the fragment).
16) journey: haiku is played out in steps, taking the reader on a journey, anxious for successive lines.  The first line might be eye catching like a window into the image.
17) satori: experience or enlightenment when a person comprehends the completeness, the oneness of all existence (i.e. commonalities amongst disparate items).
18) shasei (a sketch from life, depicting a thing just as it is): a sense of simplicity (in words, expression and/or meaning with the beauty of form instead of ornamentation) and humility (natural observation, using one, some or all senses, over feeling or thinking) are keynotes of haiku.  Abstractions are limited to one line, allowing things to speak for themselves in the other two (or in all three lines).  Personification, capitalization and rhyme are avoided.
19) haiku is written in the present tense so the reader has the feeling that the observed event is happening right now (but limit use of gerunds (ings) and to be verbage).
20) caesura (break or pause) at the end of either the first or second line, but not at both, and do not create one run-on sentence.
21) trinity: a third image illuminates the association, comparison or contract of two other images.  Consider zooming in from the first to the second and then to the third image.
22) shubumi: use images that evoke classical elegant separateness (optional).
23) yugen: use images that evoke a mysterious aloneness (optional).
24) haiku might state the impossible in an ordinary way (optional).
25) end the haiku with a noun.
26) haiku is still - minimize verbs and avoid adverbs and don't use more than one modifier per noun.
27) riddle - haiku may be expressed in a riddle (preferably in very puzzling terms) (optional).
28) shasei: a sketch from life - to depict the thing just as it is
29) haiku may utilize new or made up words (optional)
30) pivot - in a pivot the middle line acts as a gate that can swing in either direction because the middle line is such that it can have two meanings (optional).
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"It's not an X, it's a sign of the times."
- Solomon Tall (11/26/2018)

more Tall-isms here

Copyright © 2018 by Joe Pivetti