Solomon Tall

If David Gerrold complains about me ripping off his idea for a quotable character to throw in for levity, then I guess I could pay him whatever the site makes or change the "look and feel" of the concept used here on JoePivetti.com but until then it's kind of fun.  Please read David Gerrold's Solomon Short's here (and send him an email asking him to finish the Chtorr series).

"Before the Big Bang came the Super Dense Singularity and it really sucked for most of us." - Solomon Tall (7/7/2015) "The golden rules: 1) there's no free lunch, 2) the mess in the refrigerator keeps getting messier, and 3) you can't get rid of the mess even in the deep freeze." - Solomon Tall (7/10/2015) "You are what you eat, so eat a lot." - Solomon Tall (7/10/2015) "It isn't what it isn't." - Solomon Tall (7/10/2015) "You can catch more files with honey than you can with vinegar because it's stickier." - Solomon Tall (7/10/2015) "A Rose by any other name would smell sweeter than Pete and get into the hall of fame." - Solomon Tall (7/10/2015) "A journey starts with a single step going back to turn off the stove." - Solomon Tall (7/25/2015) "In nuclear physics it has been demonstrated that if a cop doesn't clock you, it's not illegal." - Solomon Tall (8/2/15) "In the garden, there is a time for planting and there is a time for sewing and quilting." - Solomon Tall (8/3/2015) "The stone age was hard on Keith Richards." - Solomon Tall (8/5/2015) "Art is as important to man as wine and song, and Art's wife agrees." - Solomon Tall (8/5/2015) "If you point and shoot enough you will hit something." - Solomon Tall (8/5/2015) Note: this refers to photography "There is an elephant whose paintings sell for thousands of dollars (but he still works for peanuts)." - Solomon Tall (8/6/2015) "In business management it is always important to raise the bar, unless you can't reach your beer." - Solomon Tall (8/6/2015) "A cereal adventure is one wherein Life imitates Wheaties." - Solomon Tall (8/6/2015) "You shouldn't swap horses in the middle of a stream of consciousness." - Solomon Tall (8/6/2015) "In heavy lifts it is often nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous riggers than to take arms against a sea of troubles." - Solomon Tall (8/7/2015) "How Jovian are Io, Callisto and Europa and how jovial are you, Callisto and the other Europeans!" - Solomon Tall (8/7/2015) "A judge's job is to preside over the bench regardless of the number of pigeons, squirrels and nuts." - Solomon Tall (8/7/2015) "Pansies are for short pants." - Solomon Tall (8/7/2015) "What if God planned the Universe on the back of a napkin?" - Solomon Tall 8/8/2015) "Ask not what the government can do for you, but rather ask what the government can do to you." - Solomon Tall (8/8/2015) "Writing requires words and words require letters, so buy lots of stamps." - Solomon Tall (8/8/2015) "One should appreciate the noodle before there is nothing left but soup." - Solomon Tall (8/8/2015 "If you find yourself making lists of lists and calling meetings to talk about meetings then you might be management material." - Solomon Tall (8/10/2015) "Limbo a logo before you a go-go." - Solomon Tall (8/15/2015) "There's nothing better than a fine yarn unless you're a sheared sheep in winter." - Solomon Tall (8/16/2015) "You can tune a guitar but you can't tune a fish unless you know Country Joe." - Solomon Tall (8/16/2015) "The popcorn may be cheaper in a home theater but you have to substitute butter for the RealButteryFlavorTM." - Solomon Tall (8/16/2015) "How twisted is the imaginings of a pasta chef." - Solomon Tall (8/17/2015) "To those demanding an accounting from above - please refer to the Drink Me sign." - Solomon Tall (8/17/2015) "A hot link is best served by a cool vendor." - Solomon Tall (8/17/2015) "Imagine imaging in magi magic land...wouldn't it be i-magical?" - Solomon Tall (8/20/2015) "A doodle a day keeps the do-little away." - Solomon Tall (8/21/2015) "The bloomer era was just like the boomer era but with fluffier undergarments." - Solomon Tall (8/21/2015)" So shall you sew, so shall you rip when you wear it in the garden." - Solomon Tall (8/21/2015) "I'll be wearing a lapel in my reincarnation." - Solomon Tall (8/22/2015) "Some family trees are knotty." - Solomon Tall (8/30/2015) "If you're in a potting state, you should grow you're plants as high as possible." - Solomon Tall (8/30/2015) "Friends that bring beer are like bulbs in the garden - you'll be pleased with whatever pops up." - Solomon Tall (8/31/2015) "Pants are puffed out in the dog days of summer and dressing is sucked in during the catnip nights of winter." - Solomon Tall (9/6/2015) "Political doodles and Doolittle poodles are a little bit sketchy." - Solomon Tall (9/12/2015) "The hero cat says 'I regret that I have but only nine lives to give to my country' and the hero dog says 'can I have some of your sub sandwich?'" - Solomon Tall 10/20/2015 "Toon criminals are often confined in prison cels" - Solomon Tall 10/21/2015 "The tax code for artificially spiced soup is 3444 (fee for faux pho)." - Solomon Tall (2/2/2016) "An exhibition of speed won honorable mention in the pharmaceuticals category at a NASCAR art show." - Solomon Tall (2/18/2016) "Hungry mercenaries need to employ fortune cookies." - Solomon Tall (2/23/2016) "If beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder, then what's wrong with having hives?" - Solomon Tall (3/4/2016) "A stitch in thyme will outlast the season." - Solomon Tall (3/29/2016)

"Everything's coming up roses in the petunia patch." - Solomon Tall (4/10/2015) "Riding a mountain bike in mud is a viscous cycle." - Solomon Tall (4/29/2016) "The grass might get too Curly if you Moe it too often." - Solomon Tall (6/24/2016) "The secret to cooking a book is to wilt the leaves and thicken the binding with a reduction of red octopus ink." - Solomon Tall (6/26/2016) "Oboe, watch her zither and bassoon, but be careful of the didgeridoo." - Solomon Tall (6/26/2016) "Swaging steel is a long drawn out process." - Solomon Tall (7/4/2016) "A craft might be well stretched on a rack but a rack is always crafted to stretch well." - Solomon Tall (7/8/2016) "The only thing worse than buying a book and realizing that you've read it before just as you get to the good part is then remembering that it wasn't really all that good any ways." - Solomon Tall (7/8/2016) "The chief engineer's concern is drawing bridges to heaps of wampum." - Solomon Tall (7/21/2016) "A snappy dresser may make haste at the waste if he's had a belt or two." - Solomon Tall (7/29/2016) "Subs are consumed with their hero until he joins them on the bench." - Solomon Tall (7/31/2016) "Mr. Bill's antics led to most of .gov having homely pages." -Solomon Tall (8/1/16) "I'd love to play bridge with the Clinton's if they would bid more than just no trump." - Solomon Tall (8/1/2016) "Look son, I've hunted mechanical prey for 20 odd years and I'm tellin' ya that ATM is just another name for robot tenderizer." - Solomon Tall (10/11/2016) "Roman graffiti was coarse, so the Vandals sacked it of course." - Solomon Tall (10/12/2016) "An artist collective manager says 'If it doesn't move, paint it; if it moves, paint another'." - Solomon Tall (10/12/2016) "A walk-off win in the ninth inning feels better than a run-off loss in the ninth district." - Solomon Tall (10/12/2016) "Dog is God spelled backwards and cat is tac spelled backwards.  Which would you rather have at your back?" - Solomon Tall (11/3/2016) "If you order prune danish at an arboretum you might end up with a dented elm." - Solomon Tall (12/13/16) "The great thing about reading heavy tomes in the e-book age is the seeming lack of gravity in the effort." -Solomon Tall (12/7/16) "I wish I had been the first to misspell googel (instead of being the 1EE100th)." - Solomon Tall (12/28/2016) "You can't always book a cover by it's judge said the fair maiden taking orders mostly for blue ribbon quilts." -Solomon Tall (2/1/2017) "If you fast toot sweet you might not be a good dinner guest." - Solomon Tall (5/21/2017) "If there's no one in the Puget rainforest to hear a tree fall, does it make a Sound." - Solomon Tall (6/19/2017) "Is there Morro to life than being a rock for your friends?" - Solomon Tall (10/7/2017) "The Markle sparkle is a lot like the Merkel sperkle but the duchess has less e's in speech." -Solomon Tall (12/1/2017) "Does Keith care that the country genre now includes influences from rap and urban music?" - Solomon Tall (1/26/2018) "Insects don't really bug me much." - Solomon Tall (6/28/2018) "Are ladybugs aphidoffolous?" - Solomon Tall (6/28/2018) "Dandelions aren't dandy and they don't roar; they blow." - Solomon Tall (6/28/2018) "'Are you packin' a pistil?', asked a bud of Guy Rose." - Solomon Tall (6/28/2018) "Will listening to Swedish music while doing crunches make Abba's stronger?" Solomon Tall (9/13/2018) "A false Monarch doesn't milkweed like a Rasta does for Haile Selassie." - Solomon Tall (9/20/2018) "The legal pot industry in the Northeast has led to many baked Boston beans." - Solomon Tall (02/28/2019) "There's no stopping Painted Ladies in California." - Solomon Tall (4/1/2019) "Said of a tart clone: 'It's just a co-insa-quince.'" - Solomon Tall (3/30/2019) "A rose graft is a prickly business." - Solomon Tall (4/15/2019) "If our country was all a buzz would it bee a pollen nation?." - Solomon Tall (4/15/2019) "A lotus driver might be taking a lily pad for a ride." - Solomon Tall (4/15/2019) "Getting into hot houses on the gray realty market might require you to clear off a real pain in the glass." - Solomon Tall (4/15/2019) "It can be a tight squeeze for a brawny fisherman on a shrimp boat." - Solomon Tall (4/15/2019) "Flower nectar is dew to garden imps." - Solomon Tall (5/5/2019) "If a caterpillar plays hooky, will Alice wonder?" - Solomon Tall (5/5/2019) "You know you've made it to the top when you can't see your bottom any more." - Solomon Tall (5/23/2019) "Armadillo by mornin' Up from San Antone Everything that she's got Is just the grub that she lives on." - Solomon Tall (5/25/2019) "Kenny Loggins was Nitty Gritty before Messina came around the Pooh Corner." - Solomon Tall (5/27/2019) "If your naval opponent has all of the cards, all of the time, then you should swap decks." - Solomon Tall (5/28/2019) "'Hand me thatta rock.  No, notta that rock.  Thatta rock.'  So says the Italian-American stone mason to his young apprentice." - Solomon Tall (6/6/2019)

"At Galileo's restaurant when you pull your order, beware the gravity of the leaning tower of pizza." - Solomon Tall (6/9/2019) "The unsuccessful lumberjack declared that the tree's bark was better than his bite." - Solomon Tall (6/30/2019) "Succulents don't suck as much in summer." - Solomon Tall (6/30/2019) "Do orange and hydrangea rhyme?" - Solomon Tall (6/30/2019) "When running low, an octopus can always siphon off some gas." - Solomon Tall (7/1/2019) "Moe Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee mimicking flyweight." - Solomon Tall (7/23/2019) "You might need trips to a potting shed for habitual weed riddance." - Solomon Tall (8/8/2019) "If Kim hired the number one Star Trek enemy phaser, she'd have the biggest assassin in Kardasia (not to mention the biggest ass in Kardashian)." - Solomon Tall (8/11/2019) "If Keith Urban wrote a song about Toby Keith, he'd be an urban legend." - Solomon Tall 8/26/2019 "A muggy day in Central Park could cost ya." - Solomon Tall (9/1/2019) "When an apiary cashier was asked about a possible price by a bird collector she replied 'maybe a Phoebe.'" - Solomon Tall (10/3/2019) "The truth only hurts when it's a lie." - Solomon Tall (10/19/2019) "What do pelicans call a lake trout stocking truck? ...take out." - Solomon Tall (11/7/2019) "There's nothing quite like getting a route canal for Christmas." - Solomon Tall (12/19/2019) [sorry dad] "Wilma, while mushrooming, told Scooby-doo that Shaggy's mainly a fungi." - Solomon Tall (12/19/2019) [Inspired by a backyard shaggy mane mushroom] "If you're at the bow or stern during the San Diego aircraft carrier museum tour, are you at a Midway point?" - Solomon Tall (1/7/2020) "If you're a lazy gardener, you might find a variety of clay weed containers at a pot shop." -Solomon Tall (1/7/2020) "The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides." -Solomon Pete (1/15/2020) "I'm a baller and a unibrow like Anthony Davis but when I block a shot at the rim it just means I don't want another drink." - Solomon Tall (2/27/2020) Info: a unibrow is considered to be a sign of a warlock. "Physics videos are lagging...film noir proves that we knew of dark energy and dark matter well before chromodynamics." - Solomon Tall (2/27/2020) "Nothing is more American, in time of crisis, than holding toilet paper dear." - Solomon Tall (3/19/2020) "A Green Hornet might have an Asian sidekick but a WASP rarely does." - Solomon Tall (3/19/2020) "Stories are about change, and in the age of e-books, that's all an author earns." -Solomon Tall 3/22/2020 "Will begging for beer with a Swedish pop group while working some crunches get you an Abba's six-pack?" Solomon Tall (rev 4/2/2020) "If you take an aft stand, are you stern...or just pooped?" - Solomon Tall (4/29/2020) "After the throne was usurped, the royal auctioneer was asked near the garage if he was selling any Tudor coupes." - Solomon Tall (5/13/2020) "The life of a door mouse often hinges on the faintest of  squeaks." - Solomon Tall (5/13/2020) "The ETA for BEM ET's in UFO's might be DOA." - Solomon Tall (5/24/2020) "The terse vision patient awaiting medicine might say: 'Feed me.  See more'." - Solomon Tall (5/25/2020) "A robber fly don't need no stinkin' masks as he hovers around in sweet smelling guise." - Solomon Tall (6/10/2020) "An argument between logophiles and lexophiles left no mean word unspoken." -Solomon Tall (6/28/2020) "If you're game, let's Farkle and Qwirkle all night long." -Solomon Tall (6/28/2020) "Many blowhards vent smoggy air via thermal inversion." -Solomon Tall (6/28/2020) "A desert landscape artist may paint without any brush strokes." -Solomon Tall (7/1/2020) "A rolling moss gathers no stones but, instead, gets a glacial mouse tag." -Solomon Tall (7/6/2020 "My watchdog (I call her that because she knows within a few minutes of the clock strike, when she should be fed or walked) got a burr in her foot yesterday and then got it snagged on her muzzle trying to pull it out...and she did the same thing today.  You'd think that if a dog always knows the time of day, that she could, at least, remember her maw and her paw." -Solomon Tall (7/11/20) "Pre-Cambrian (CA) life consisted mainly of Spanish ranch hands." - Solomon Tall (7/24/20208) "The sitting judge refused to issue a bench warrant for the picnic table set accessorizer, despite him having a cushy job." - Solomon Tall (7/24/2020) "Botanists are concerned with algae, weeds and seeds - so does that make them See-weedish?" - Solomon Tall (7/26/2020) "In 2020, there was no spitting in baseball.  The crowd was virtual also." - Solomon Tall (7/26/2020) "A medieval bombardier might blow a fuse if he's hoist on his own petard." - Solomon Tall (7/30/2020) "If on a 4th down measurement, all the referees consult, use video evidence, and check the chain, did the offense get the whole nine yards?" - Solomon Tall (7/30/2020) "If a hot dog vendor dilutes the condiments, did he cut the mustard?" - Solomon Tall (7/30/2020) "A defensive end might evade a chip off the old block to get to the quarterback." - Solomon Tall (7/30/2020) "Seeing a big brown bear in Siberia might be a Kodiak moment." - Solomon Tall (7/31/2020) "We were painting animals faces on plates in art class.  I got one of the largest to work on, so, of course, I drew a platter puss." - Solomon Tall (7/31/2020) "There are no ties in baseball, but after watching the Padres recently, I can say that there definitely are dreadlocks." - Solomon Tall (7/31/2020)

"Dogs do their business along many public pathways.  Once I asked an owner: 'oh, does she get to go to the park with regularity?'" Solomon Tall (8/1/2020) Commentary: the only thing worse than potty humor is canine potty humor. "Giants vs. Rangers in 2020 featured the Heineman brothers: one was catching as his brother crouched to bat; the umpire was behind Heineman behind Heineman." - Solomon Tall (8/1/2020) "When the dog accidentally gets glued to moss, was she Scooby-doo-ed." - Solomon Tall (8/9/2020) "I find it frustrating to keep my mountain bike suitably functional.  There is no motor, zen or art in its maintenance." - Solomon Tall (8/12/2020) "I've a good eye for photography...it's been used in many glossy magazine ads for Visine." - Solomon Tall (8/14/2020) "When a raccoon gets scolded twice for visiting your yard does it make for a second story, man?" - Solomon Tall (8/22/2020) "A dry mermaid's tale and a toast with good wine make for two pairs of legs." - Solomon Tall (10/8/2020) "Cable and internet TV still has bugs but no antennae." - Solomon Tall (10/14/2020) "A sunflower garden might be kind of seedy." - Solomon Tall (10/28/2020) "Our garage door opener started acting up this morning...I think that it's the part that rides the long screw, just like last time...but my better half called a repairman instead of letting me work on it...I guess that means I'm off my trolley today." - Solomon Tall (1/15/2021) "The Rams faced the Packers in a 2021 NFC playoff game that featured two Cal QB's.  Now-golfing-Goff's game rating was a respectable 106 but the Butte Bear bettered the Butter Bear with a 108 rating and the victory." - Solomon Tall (1/17/2021) "Of course a rolling stone gathers no moss.  Mick isn't really rollin' no mas." -Solomon Tall (2/8/2021) "She didn't quite hear me and asked "who peed on the driveway?"  I repeated "a milla".  She says "I knew it.  I think Amilla has been off the leash and leaving memos on our driveway."  "No", I say, "I meant that I saw a millipede on the driveway this morning."" -Solomon Tall (2/8/2021) "When I met a man walking a Labrador Retriever toting a large piece of soggy paper bag near Brightwater pond, I said 'what a good dog - he must be the pick of the litter.'" -Solomon Tall 2/18/21 "Recent cosmologic probe data imply an anisotropic dark energy nature leading to different expansion rates for different directions in the late Universe.  So we might all be expanding in different directions." -Solomon Tall 2/21/21 "Scientists in Barcelona have recently constructed a magnetic wormhole.  But, so far, as I understand it, they haven't been able to make a worm attractive." -Solomon Tall 2/21/21 "I've a syncing sensation every time I fly with my wireless headphones." - Solomon Tall (4/17/2021) "A boss once told me that project success comes down to basic blocking and tackling, which left me confused, because on the upcoming project there'd be no rigging, just digging-in for a tank ring foundation with a big hole up the middle." - Solomon Tall (4/25/2021) "Recently, I discovered that I can mitigate crank noise with some penetrating oil and a little back pedaling." - Solomon Tall (4/25/2021) "During the COVID pandemic many males forwent shaving in isolation.  Perhaps that explains the return of Black Chin hummingbirds to our neighborhood." - Solomon Tall (4/25/2021) "During finals week, you're unlikely to find a square bear in a Lower Sproul position." - Solomon Tall (4/25/2021) "If you read a lot into what you read, then a lot of what you read will be what you read into it." - Solomon Tall (7/5/2021) "Dodger ace Buehler pitched in the 2020 world series after being out for a while on the DL...but he wasn't rusty...because he wasn't ferrous." - Solomon Tall (8/6/2021) "After a 2021 trade, the Dodgers should have the best double play tandem in baseball, with two Turners in the infield." -Solomon Tall (9/6/2021) "After seeing a 'foresail for sale' sign on a Thanksgiving walk, I wondered 'do they have jiblets on a yacht or are jiblets fit only for small sailboats.'" -Solomon Tall (12/23/2021) "The anti-vaxxers in Florida should be reminded of the proud Cape Canaveral booster record.'" -Solomon Tall (12/27/2021) "Judges at renaissance costume contests are usually fair people.'" -Solomon Tall (1/7/2022) Young aspiring authors study the 3 R's (reading, 'riting and 'rithmatic) but they don't need an A in math to succeed." - Solomon Tall (1/28/2022) "I ram what I ram.  Let's see what ewe'll do.'" -Solomon Tall (5/3/2022) "When riding through the usually hypoxic Bolsa Chica wetlands, I often wish there was a button on my bicycle 'console' for 'marsh smell low'." -Solomon Tall (6/1/2022) "If 70's TV Harry and Pam had had a son, he might've been a Mudd-Dauber." Solomon Tall (6/31/22) "On twos day (2/22/22), as I rode past tee number 2 at 75 degrees , I decreed to an HB golfer in passing: 'it's another above par day at Meadowlark today'". Solomon Tall (11/15/2022) "Sewing bee attendance can develop into a quilty conscience." - Solomon Tall (3/7/2023) "A freebooter's rapier wit had me drop my phone in the briny and all I could do was watch my android sync." - Solomon Tall (3/14/2023) "A priest, a quirky film maker and a pop icon walk into a bar, but they suffer only minor injuries." - Solomon Tall (5/18/2023) "The Golden Bears coach says "Chase Matter" (because that's who was pitching) and 6 runs later the U-dub 0.4 ERA pitcher was sent packing." - Solomon Tall (5/21/2023) "The Danish breakfast chef told some Sunday morning diners in a rush to get to church to stick around for the evil skeevers." - Solomon Tall (8/11/2023)