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Military Intelligence

Anderson and Black found amongst the Dragon Bones
Many of homo erectus, as well as tools of stone,
Which were packed and taken to Beijing
Where US Marines were to ship them with esteem.
In 1941, Japanese took Camp Holcomb and the foot-lockers hiding the fossils,
Unknowingly resulting in an anthropological loss of proportions colossal.

In 1792, French Revolutionaries commandeered and made happen
That the 70-meter-long Bayeaux Tapestry went over a wagon.
Fortunately, it was recognized by a police commissioner
Who ordered recovery and a replacement canvas cover.
The 1000-year old embroidery still depicts the Norman conquest of England
And now resides in the Bayeaux Museum near where D-day began.

Oliver Cromwell, General of Horse and Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England
In 1649, melted down the original Crown Jewels of England for coin,
Including the ninth and eleventh century crowns of Alfred the Great and Queen Edith.
After two civil wars, Royalists returned to power and dug up Cromwell's corporeal pith
That was hung up in chains and beheaded; the head being held as a valuable vestige
Before finally coming to rest under a plaque at Sidney Sussex College in Cambridge.

At a drama club read
She asked me
Do you know your part?
Yes, I said, I know it by heart.

While combing my hair to meet her family
She asked me
Do you know your part?
Yes, I said, I know it by heart.

When studying crib assembly instructions
She asked me
Do you know your part?
Yes, I said, I know it by heart.

When cutting a graduation cake
She asked me
Do you know your part?
Yes, I said, I know it by heart.

After getting an artificial knee
She asked me
Do you know your part?
Yes, I said, I know it by heart.

When preparing scripted dialogue for our 50th
She asked me
Do you know your part?
Yes, I said, I still know it by heart. 
Slower Now

I've come to let life ease by
Enjoying each piece of pie
While visiting comfortable faces
And friendly places.
I like easy drinking libations
Without confrontation, condemnation or pretension.
Which leaves just us and potations:
Brown ale, red wine, cider and rye.
The Name of the Wind is...Maria

It was on the tip of his tongue
"Arghh...I've burned my tongue"
[Memories are not always in good taste]
"Perhaps its just dejavu...or soup not left to cool
"Or maybe, just maybe, the soup doesn't like being called broth
"Okay, bisque...mmm...aaah...that's what I thought
"The name of a thing is often unknowable
But if it might speak, it'd likely be le Soupable."

Prof's. Lawrence, Seaborg, Glaser, Townes & Alvarez told QB's Rodgers, Goff, Morton, Bartkowski & Ferragamo:
  A cyclotron can break open magnetic ends via a very tight spiral launch
  Radiant emission stimulation can turn chaotic energy it into a laser beam throw
  Quantum mechanics can allow a pass through two slots at once
  Quantum entanglement can reveal the action before it's temporal turn
  And a new o-line susceptible to inside push supports the qbism postulate that agent action is of central concern

*Note: QBism is, I think, erroneously pronounced "cubism" in the physics vernacular

Herb's Garden


If you pluck herbage from above, are you working over thyme?
If an old Sherlock Holmes movie is on your backyard tablet, is Basil in the garden?
Is being told how to manage a spice garden really sage advice?
Could a hellish garden clone become Rosemarie's daughter?
If you cast away a garden's spicy actress, might it be ginger?
Has his anise become the butt of your friend's garden jokes?
Could you get caraway with a crazy dish?
Does anybody knows who's cumin or who's leavin'?
If you're short on spice, will there be sorrel in the morning?
If your spicy Indian food impresses your boss, did you curry favor?
If you don't like the food in Portland, is it oregano for you?
If the pastor says "each male pastry chef has done wrong," is it cinnamon?
If a grower is weeding a pickley patch, is there a farmer in the dill?
If you want to spice up a note on mother's day, would you send cardamom?
In Gone With the Wind, when they ran out of spice, was it tarragon?
If you make a perfect julep, is it in mint condition?
If you fry up some spicy dough, could it be a fennel cake?
If you made nasty jokes about the buns I bought, did you sesame?
If you allow only one spice from a group of suppliers, are you holding them at bay?
In baseball, if you eat a little yellow rice while on base, was it saffron first?
If it's paprika in the pot, did Dad's gut poke imply that the stew was too bland?
Do people who use citrus rind in their medicine have a zest for life?
If you ask Cory's buddies to help cook, could they be coriander friends?
Bottoms Up to Chakra Yoga

The Chakras (Sanskrit for "wheels") of the yogic body are imaginary energy portals that facilitate auto-physiology and auto-psychophysics.  The portals are three-dimensional with spectral glow associated with the flux of spacial energies (imagined in the mind) as a means of inspection and transformation of function, health and cooperation of discrete bodily systems along common neural pathways.  One may also consider chakras holistically to align the spine, body and spirit.  To enhance the heat-energy of the self, one might imagine breathing in atmospheric gold and combining it with the energy absorbed from the red root and blossom it up through to the violet crown.  Yogis may chant each om mantra (om in the gut + "oh" in the chest + "umm" in the head) thrice (or 108 times for the devout) to assure periodicity of contemplative communication with each chakra site, then chant the entire series of chakra oms with overall alignment intent.  This is best done with a warm body and a clear mind after an hour long session of strenuous yoga (or for those thinking it silly, after a couple glasses of wine).

Table of Chakra affiliations:
# Symbol Portal Shape Color Name Location Mantra Yogic Association
Red Root Coccyx Lum Foundation Legs, bowels & bladder
Orange Sacral Sacrum Vum Virility & transformation Gut, gonads & spleen
3 Yellow Solar
Core Ram Breath & manifestation Bronchi, kidneys & bile
4 Green Heart Chest Yum Pulse & integration Heart, thyroid & liver
5 Cyan Throat Brain stem Hum Speech & ascension Mouth, neck & arms
6 Indigo Third eye Cerebrum Shum Perception & inter-dimensionality Eyes, nose & ears
7 Violet Crown Cerebellum Om Cognition & oneness Brain
The Game Is Afoot


He got too big for his boots
So he got the boot
And soon was down-in-the-heels
With two left feet.
He shot himself in the foot
And then put his foot in his mouth.

His feet of clay
Allowed the law to bring him to heel.
Then the county footed the bill
For a fine place
For him to cool his heels.
You wouldn't want to be in his shoes.

He had one foot in the grave
But got on his toes
And soon the shoe was on the other foot.
The jack-heels let him out
To toe the line
And to get back on his feet.

On the heels of his better lot
He found his feet,
Got his foot in the door,
And gained a foothold in a new business.
He put one foot in front of the other
And can now stand on his own two feet.

Setting out on the right foot
For him is just getting his feet wet,
But with the world at his feet
Finding that the shoe fits
Has required thinking on his feet
While keeping his feet on the ground.

So don't drag your feet or get underfoot,
Don't be on your back foot,
Or have the rug pulled out from under your feet.
Don't put your foot down or keep putting your feet up.
Don't dig your heels in or get itchy feet.
Don't step on any toes or say "my foot" to what's new.

But rather be fleet of foot, foot the bill when you can
And put your foot to the floor.
Avoid cold feet and being dead on your feet.
Don't let the grass grow under your feet.
Stay footloose and fancy free, kick up your heels
And set them all back on their heels.

Don't Chalk Up the Foul Line to Yogi

What they said Yogi said (Yogi-isms):

I never said most of the things I said.
We made too many wrong mistakes.
Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.
No one goes there any more because it's too crowded.
It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
It gets late early out there.
If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
You can observe a lot by watching.
It ain't over 'til it's over.
It's deja vu all over again.
The future ain’t what it used to be.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
The mayor's wife told Yogi that "he looked cool in that suit", to which he replied "you don't look so hot yourself."
What they never said Yogi said (Quasi-Yogi-isms):

The sum is greater than the spare parts.
You get out of it what you don't put in.
You'll know where you're going when you stop going.
You can't make an omelet without cracking a couple of yolks.
When it comes to taking offense in baseball, you gotta hold your stance.
He was gonna wax poetic but he put it all on his mustache.
In baseball you get three strikes or four balls, but in a bowling shirt, even if you get thirteen strikes, you're not gonna go to no dances.
She sprinkles a little wherever she goes.
The weather is playing havoc instead of golf.
If you can't see what you're doing wrong, you should take a good look at yourself.
Who said "you can't talk with your mouth full"?
If he makes you itch, you should scratch him off your list.
Sure, he can hit a home run, but can he get on base?
You can't steal seconds unless you're a little off base.
Why go in for the whole deal when you ain't buyin' none of it?
Sometimes spring training is just refreshment.
Nobody said it because it'd already been said.
When life hands you lemons, you make lemon aids stand behind 'em to get the passed balls.
Why should the catcher have to get himself killed in a tight spot when it's not his idea to put on the suicide squeeze in the first place?
When in Rome, comb your hair like the Romans do.
If it's all the same to you, who could tell the difference?
He's smarter when he drinks because he has a high IQ.
I'm just a phone's throw away.
That's a hard knuckle to crack.
When a night game goes into extra innings, I just want to call it a day.
It's easy to give advice.  What's hard is tellin' someone what you would do.
Three to one it's an even bet.
What's wrong with a pork barrel?  I mean, where else are ya gonna put the fat?
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"The truth only hurts when it's a lie."
- Solomon Tall (10/19/2019)

more Tall-isms here

Copyright © 2019 by Joe Pivetti