Prose 10: Cat Litter (a tribute to David Rosenfelt's Andy Carpenter)

Joe Pivetti's Poetry, Haiku and Poesy: Prose 10

Cat Litter (a tribute to David Rosenfelt's Andy Carpenter)

I'm Sandy Sawyer, cat lover and defense lawyer of renown.
Brave is my middle name -
If by brave you mean I have no fear of the unknown;
Its the known that seems to be my bane.

Once my tween e-force finishes with piano, karate and cheer practice
They meet in a game chat locus to do a little electronic data mining for us.
Lothlorien III finds a chink in the perps armor and collects e-gold,
Including a force roster and ISP legion sorty map, I'm told.

I've got muscle but it mostly belongs to somebody else.
I seem to be drawn to the baddest hombres on the good guy side
And we watch each others' backs...but especially my ass(ets),
Since everybody agrees that hiring me has a big down side.

I study like mad but don't over prepare so that I can ad lib
My way through the trial proceedings without fibs,
And make life as miserable as possible for the judge and the prosecution
And every poor soul that has to feel the heat of my cross examination.

The prosecution is done with detective Ditz and its time for my cross.
"Ditzy...may I call you Ditzy?"
"No. Its Lieutenant Ditz.""
"Okay Looey. You testified that you were the first on the scene. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Then who left all the little tiny footprints in the entryway blood splatter?"
"Those were paw prints."
"Could they have been left by a murderous cheesehead?"
"I object your honor. Badgering the witness."
"Sustained."
"Your honor, are you saying there weren't no stinkin' badgers? Or do you think it was tabbies?"

There are several news vans parked in front of the house.
I don't know what they are doing here unless it has something to do with my many calls
To media contacts about a big break in the case being revealed at dawn on my porch.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, welcome. Here's the jimmied Ming vase cabinet I promised.
This is proof positive that this was the work of prier conspirators."

The newsies include my pal Vance who allows me to buy him beer and sandwiches
At Cat-o-nine-tails sports bar whenever the Jets are playing.
I get to bet on the games because my bookie is also a regular there;
I always bet with my Giant heart and the Jets always do their part by not making the spread.

I usually find that its mass conspiracy that led to my client's incarceration.
Sometimes I get a little help from my Hawaiian mobster connection, Don Ho.
Despite the prosecution's evidence manipulation and testimony adulteration
We develop enough intrigue to sow the seeds of doubt so the jury finds in our favor,
And we get the head of of calico, the CFO (chief feline officer), off of death row.

To Joe Pivetti's Home Page